Dear Bachelor/ Bachelorette,
If you are a single, on a quest to find that perfect life partner or someone who can hear the wedding bells, this is for you. You might be spending a whole lot of your time dreaming of the moments you get to create with 'the one', wondering how the future would be together. But there are few others things you need to decide before your wedding dress. Being a married woman and someone who has been talking to a lot of married women, there are a few things I wish you would know.
Before the search for the other half, it is better to figure out who you are and have a picture of why you are here. Most would have set out a path for their career, but that isn't enough. Find the mission, vision and purpose in your life. There is a void in each one of us that needs to be filled. Some mistake this void to be filled in by their lovers, husband or children. This type of dependency on the other person will only end in despair. This affects mostly women, as they are the ones bought up in the belief that they live for others, hence, they expect others to fill in this void for them. Men are bought in the belief that their sole purpose is to earn well and sustain their families. But later on, the void grows larger, only to be filled in by things you don't actually want in your life. Living life turns to surviving every mundane day. The responsibilities make it harder for many to turn life around.
Having a family and fulfilling the responsibilities of your roles isn't the sole purpose of your life. So, figure out who you are and where you want to be, in all aspects of life and the most powerful - why. This will bring in content and peace. Do not take the stress, anxiety and pain caused by the void into your marriage. You might have a doubt if life would go exactly the way you plan it. No, it won't. But once you head on your journey towards your mission, every unforeseen challenge that comes up gives clarity and redirect you to where you are meant to be. A life partner and family should not be a challenge but a support.
So, when looking for a partner, see if their journey can be complementary to yours. Talk of the what, why and how of your purpose in life. Talk of the support you want and the kind of support you are willing to provide. Talk about your thoughts on having children and the life around them. Having a partner who prioritises the same values as you do and shares interests and viewpoints, would make the journey merrier. Now even if you two differ in values and viewpoints, see if both of you can understand, trust and support each others' decisions.
That is what partnering in life is all about.